Joe Jokes
Because it's a subversion of your expectations in a way that's funny, which you are conditioned to react to with laughter; i.e. it's a joke.

Everyone loves a ShaggyDog
Just some Yarns and Shaggy Dog stories. Usually met with a groan at the end. You may recognize yourself or family members in these stories. I'll try and have an audio version but sometimes it will be just a bit of reading. Safe for the kids to listen to. (Oh, and they are usually not true)
People often accuse me of "stealing others jokes" and being "a plagiarist". Their words not mine...
People often accuse me of "stealing others jokes" and being "a plagiarist". Their words not mine...
Click here after each "story"
![]() Greg, Christina and Gabby came over on Sunday for supper. I BBQ’d ribs and made some coleslaw, fries and corn on the cob. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Gabby received her plate, she started eating right away.
"Gabby, Please wait until we say our prayer." Christina said. Gabby said "I don't need to." "Of course, you do " Greg said. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's at our house." Gabby said. "But this is Pop’s house and he knows how to cook. Can Fish Drive?![]() So I saw Daisy and Gabby the other day and took Daisy aside and told her that I had a joke she could tell Gabby. I said "Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "how do you drive this thing?"
So she went over to Gabby and said "'Two goldfish are in a... in a....', and asked 'What do goldfish live in?' And Gabby said 'Uuh, a goldfish bowl?' She seemed satisfied with that answer and continued... 'Oh yeah.. So, two goldfish are in a goldfish bowl, one turns to the other and says "How do you drive this thing"' I was walking with my brother Danny in the mall the other day. He stops me, and points into a store, where a little boy (maybe 6 years old) was looking curiously at a female mannequin.
I didn't get it, but he said "just wait for it..." Sure enough, the kid reaches up and pulls the bikini bottom down on the mannequin. The kid's mother soon noticed what her son did, and she was bright red with embarrassment. So naturally, Danny walks up to her and says: "I'm going to the beach tomorrow. Mind if I borrow your kid?" We went into the food court to a restaurant that we've never been to before. It mainly sells gyros and other foods of the sort. I could tell Danny was unsure of what to get, as he told me to order by saying, "You go first... This is all Greek to me." Walked in to a bar....![]() So I was waiting at a bar for Danny to show up, he was late as usual. When he walked in I thought I figured out the reason why, he was wearing just one shoe. I said "lose a shoe?" He replied "Nope, found one".
![]() Stupid dog. I keep telling him to go left, but does he? No, right, always right.
So Robyn and I are on our way to Auburn the other day and she smacks me on the shoulder and says "Joe, that's the third car you've almost hit in the last 5 minutes!" I replied, "I'm driving?"![]() (This one is PG-13) Robyn and i were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theater. We turned on a 'night light' then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our dogs like to chase our cat we really didn't want to leave them unchaperoned so I ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.
Robyn didn't want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, so she explained to him that I would be out momentarily as I was just bidding goodnight to my mother. A few minutes later I got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to Robyn's growing horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away. "Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and i had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so i grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn't scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard....she had better not shit in the vegetable garden again." The silence in the taxi was deafening..... ![]() I was sitting at a bar with Danny when he looked across the bar and said "look at those two drunks, that will be us in ten years". I looked and told him "to look closer, that's a mirror".
We've had very odd weather this winter. Cold in the morning and too warm on the way home. I had stopped to pick up supper on the way home, wearing my areostitch and a jacket under it. While waiting at the checkout a lady says to me "you look hot". I couldn't help myself and said "you don't look so bad yourself". The cashier chuckled.
A few years ago I was sitting at a bar with Danny and in walks a mutual friend from high school that we hadn't seen for a few years. She put on some weight and was very self conscious of it. After a quick hi how are ya the next thing out of her mouth is "yeah I know I'm big, I just had a baby" Danny looks up from his beer and replies "for lunch?"
Some "polite" insults
Mister Rogers wouldn't want you as a neighbor. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! I don't have the time or crayons to explain it to you. 8 people were killed in what became known as the London Beer Flood after 1,470,000 L of beer burst out of brewery and gushed into the streets on October 17 1814
"Legend has it he got out to pee three times before the current finally dragged him under..." My uncle drowned in a vat of beer. Three men tried to save him, but he bravely fought them off I bet they barley saw it coming. Too bad they couldn't hops out of the way. Sounds Brewtal. Seriously? Eight people died and you're making puns? The yeast you could do is show some respect. I don't think ale be sticking around this site too much lager. Chuck walked into work the other morning wearing a paper towel like a hat. We tried to ignore it but but finally had to ask. He said he forgot a parking ticket and now had a bounty on his head.Robyn took her mom out for lunch. The restaurant had some large cookies on display and Robyn's mom asked how much they were. The waitress said 2 for a dollar. She asked "how much for one?" The waitress said 75 cents. My Mother in law said "I'll take the other one" .
Trying to invest in something that will help during retirement I bought some stock in a company that makes glass coffins. Will it be a success? Remains to be seen.
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Worms?
A short story that shows real understanding. Told at work (on break of course). The smart WaspSo there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, just like the humans do. So the wasp enrolls in school, and passes with flying colors. Remember, this is a very smart wasp. He gets his high school diploma in a little under 3 years, with a 4.0 GPA and all that snazz. After high school, believe it or not, the wasp gets accepted to Harvard. Harvard! This too proves to be no challenge for our hero, as he graduates in just two years, again a 4.0, on the Dean's list, and all that snazz. Not to mention all the clubs and sports he was in-the newspaper, rowing, student government-and the fact that he was by far the most popular student on campus. Even his professors looked up to him. He goes on to get two PhDs, and when he finishes his education, the wasp faces a bit of a dilemma. How does he apply his knowledge now? Where does he go from here? He decides to try out politics. After all, he was popular throughout school, did well in Harvard government. So he runs for mayor, and wins in a landslide. He greatly reforms the city, fixing virtually all its major problems. He runs for governor and again wins in a landslide. Two years later, the presidential election was coming up, and the wasp decides he might as well go for it. Of course, he wins in the largest landslide in US presidential history. His presidency goes exceedingly well-he is loved by all parties, and has the highest approval ratings in history. He also finds the cures for cancer, AIDS, and broken hearts while in the White House. After 8 years (yes, of course he was reelected) the time has come for him to leave his office. Even his successor his saddened by the wasp’s departure, but they all know it’s what must be done. Back at his vacation home in California his first day after leaving office, the wasp looks back on his long and fruitful life. He realizes that he hasn't been back to his hive at all since that first day he left. He suddenly feels a twang of guilt as he realizes how much he misses his parents and his little brother. So he heads back to the hive, looking more worn out than he remembers. He goes inside and greets his family, who are overjoyed at the sight of him. He talks about how his life has gone as his family listens in wonderment. Eventually he decides he is thirsty, so he decides to visit the old watering hole he remembered. Once he gets there though, there’s an extremely long line. He decides it’s worth the wait, so gets in line. One hour. Two hours. This is the slowest moving line he’s ever seen! Eventually he calculates that it could be a few days before he gets to the front of the line, so decides it’s not worth it. He decides to go get some cider to drink instead, but waddya know, another huge line of people waiting for cider! He remembers one other drinking area that never had a long line-fruit punch! So he decides to go get punch. He arrives, and lo and behold, there's no punchline
Little Jose (me, Joe)When I was a little kid my Mom would take me to the Angels games, when they were still the Anaheim Angels. Because I was so fair skinned she had me wear a sombrero to keep from getting sun-burned (we had to sit in the cheap seats in right field). Because of the sombrero she would joke and call me Jose, telling people I was her little blonde Jose. I always got upset when at the beginning of the game everyone would stand up and I’d be like a mushroom in a forest of redwoods and they would all say “Jose, can you see?”
Last night my brother Raymond drank a whole bottle of Wite-Out thinking it was Viagra.
Apparently he woke up this morning with a massive correction. A Tired CatI guess Raymond has decided he's been alone long enough, he's getting a mail order bride from Czechoslovakia You know, a check mate.
I have various things on my nightstand, computers, ipods, lamp.... last night i put 2 glasses on it, one full one empty. Robyn asked "what are you doing?" I said, one was in case I got thirsty at night and one was in case I didn't.From Greg, a CHP friend:
I chased a guy who ran a stop sign. It took about 3 blocks, but he finally stopped and pulled over. He had no idea I was pulling him over. I get out of the car and go over to him. He says to me, 'what is going on?' I say, 'What do you mean? You ran that stop sign back there. I'm writing you a ticket.' 'That stop sign," he said. 'I've been running that stop sign for 20 years. I have never stopped.' 'Well, guess you will stop tomorrow.' The next day I'm out riding around when I come on to an accident. That same guy is sitting on the curb. So I get off my bike and walk over to him. I say to him, 'what happened? I thought you were going to stop today.' He says, 'I didn't cause this, go talk to that guy.' He points me down the way to another person talking to a cop. I walk over to him and ask, 'What happened?' The guy says to me, 'I've been following that guy down this route for 20 years, and he has never stopped at that stop sign.' Some quickiesA blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
I'm in a band called "Missing Cat." I'm sure you've seen our posters. I was browsing Craigslist the other day and I saw an ad that said: 'Television for sale, one dollar, volume stuck on full.' I thought: 'I can't turn that down.' So I got home and the phone was ringing. I picked it up and said: 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said: 'You are.' A magician was driving down a road then he turned into a driveway. A termite walks into a bar and asks "Is the bar tender here?" A neutrino walks into a bar.The bartender asks "can I get you anything?""No, I'm just passing through." A man and a giraffe when in a bar and started drinking. The giraffe pasted out and the drunk man went to leave when the bar tender said "you cant leave that lyin there." and the drunk replied "its not a lion its a giraffe" Lora and I were standing in line at Starbucks when an obviously blind girl asked if we saw where her friend went. Lora said "I don't know, what does she look like?"Two penguins are sitting on an ice floe. One looks over at the other and asks "have you seen my brother?" The other penguin says, "I'm not sure, what's he look like?"
![]() Robyn and I were thinking about taking a vacation. We started talking about going to Hawaii and I finally said we just couldn't do it. She said that of all the places I couldn't take her to that this was the nicest one.
I dream of becoming a selfie photographer.. I can just picture myself doing it.Speaking of violins, I finally learned the
difference between a violin and a fiddle. A violin has 4 strings. A fiddle has 4 strangs. |

I was watching Daisy for a couple of hours the other day and while we were building block castles I was eating some peanuts from a bowl by the couch. I said "these taste a little funny". Daisy said that that tasted fine when they said M&M and she sucked the chocolate off.

I was eating breakfast with Gabby, my 5 year old Granddaughter, and I asked
her: “What day is it tomorrow?”
She said “It’s President’s Day!”
She’s a smart kid, so I asked, “What does President’s Day mean?”
I was waiting to hear something about Washington or Lincoln...
She replied, “President’s Day is when President Obama steps out of the
White House, and if he sees his shadow we have three more years of Bull
Shit.”
You know, it really hurts when hot coffee spurts out of your nose!
her: “What day is it tomorrow?”
She said “It’s President’s Day!”
She’s a smart kid, so I asked, “What does President’s Day mean?”
I was waiting to hear something about Washington or Lincoln...
She replied, “President’s Day is when President Obama steps out of the
White House, and if he sees his shadow we have three more years of Bull
Shit.”
You know, it really hurts when hot coffee spurts out of your nose!
It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of the little Irish pub. I stood under the awning beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water. A curious gentleman asked what i was doing. "Fishing," I said. He looked at me like I wasn't all there and invited me to have a drink in the pub. As we were sipping our Jack Daniels, the gentleman asked, "How many have you caught today?" I said "You're the eighth.
Wesley goes to one of the schools I fix computers at. Last time I was there I stopped in his room and witnessed this:
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Wesley: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Wesley: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Wesley: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Wesley: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Wesley, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Wesley: "Because I've already have a cat!"
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Wesley: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Wesley: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Wesley: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Wesley: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Wesley, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Wesley: "Because I've already have a cat!"

I CAN CUT DOWN A TREE JUST BY LOOKING AT IT. IT'S TRUE! I SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYES.

Robyn and I were sitting in the living room discussing a "Living Will".
"Just so you know," I said, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
Robyn got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.
"Just so you know," I said, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
Robyn got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.

An old favorite:
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed..
The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's
job. The bishop was incredulous. 'You have no arms !' 'No matter,' said the man. 'Observe !'
And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.
But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church steps, when he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only a moment before..
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, 'Bishop, who was this man ?'.
'I don't know his name,' the bishop sadly replied, ".................
BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL"
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said, 'Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.'
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
'What has happened? Who is this man?' the first monk asked breathlessly.
'I don't know his name,' sighed the distraught bishop, 'but... 'HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER..'
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed..
The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's
job. The bishop was incredulous. 'You have no arms !' 'No matter,' said the man. 'Observe !'
And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.
But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church steps, when he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only a moment before..
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, 'Bishop, who was this man ?'.
'I don't know his name,' the bishop sadly replied, ".................
BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL"
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said, 'Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.'
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
'What has happened? Who is this man?' the first monk asked breathlessly.
'I don't know his name,' sighed the distraught bishop, 'but... 'HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER..'

Nick was stopped by a game warden at Folsom Lake recently with two buckets of fish.
The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
Nick replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
Nick looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" the game warden replied.
He poured the fish in to the water and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" Nick asked.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" he asked.
"The FISH."
"What fish?" Nick asked.
The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
Nick replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
Nick looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" the game warden replied.
He poured the fish in to the water and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" Nick asked.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" he asked.
"The FISH."
"What fish?" Nick asked.
So there was an Irishman who ran a Bed & Breakfast in the countryside named Shaun. One morning, a leprechaun walked into Shaun's B&B and asked for a banana and a five-cent euro coin. Shaun obliged the leprechaun, and sent him on his way.
The next day, the leprechaun was back, again asking for a banana and a five-cent euro coin. Again, Shaun provided him with both.
The third day, Shaun's banana supplies were running dangerously low. The leprechaun once again walked in, but Shaun said he could only give him half of a banana and a five-cent euro. The leprechaun accepted those and left.
The next morning, Shaun checked the unoccupied bedrooms (as is the wont of any B&B proprietor worth his rustic countryside location) and noticed the bedspread slightly ruffled. Puzzled, as he knew it was perfectly crisp the day previous, he straightened it out and went about his business. He reached the front desk.
The leprechaun was there.
Once more the leprechaun requested his tithe of tropical fruit and petty change, but Shaun only had a quarter of a banana left in the whole building by then, and he was saving it for his lunch. Still, he didn't want to upset the leprechaun and risk losing the valuable Sidhe customers that kept his establishment afloat between tourist seasons, so he gave it to the leprechaun.
When Shaun checked the open bedrooms the following morning, he was shocked to discover that the bedroom with the mysteriously ruffled bedspread only twenty-four hours previous was trashed. All the furniture was only vaguely identifiable as furniture, it looked like it would be much more at home in a dump. The windows were shattered, as were the mirrors, and there was neon yellow spray paint on every wall. In a state of shock, Shaun headed to the front desk to see him. Shaun exploded at the leprechaun, refusing to give him any more bananas or coins. In an angry puff of fruity smoke, the leprechaun vanished.
That evening, Shaun went to a pub, needing a few very strong drinks after the whole affair. He got them and headed back to his B&B. When he arrived, it was not there, replaced by a smoldering crater and the wreckage of his beloved Bed & Breakfast and a few charred corpses of one-time guests of his. Shaun stood there in shock for a few seconds before the leprechaun walked up and stood beside him. Shaun asked the leprechaun if he was the one who ruffled the bedspread.
"Yes," said the leprechaun.
Shaun asked if he destroyed the furniture and painted all the walls.
"Yes," answered the leprechaun.
Shaun asked if he blew up the Bed & Breakfast.
"Yes," replied the leprechaun.
Shaun asked why he always wanted a banana and a five-cent euro coin. Shaun asked why he retaliated with increasingly violent backlash when he did not receive a full banana. Shaun asked why he blew up Shaun's livelihood.
"I can tell you," answered the leprechaun, "but you must promise me first that you will never speak of it to another living soul for as long as you live."
Shaun agreed.
And what the leprechaun told Shaun, we will never know, because Shaun kept his promise and died without telling a single living soul.
The next day, the leprechaun was back, again asking for a banana and a five-cent euro coin. Again, Shaun provided him with both.
The third day, Shaun's banana supplies were running dangerously low. The leprechaun once again walked in, but Shaun said he could only give him half of a banana and a five-cent euro. The leprechaun accepted those and left.
The next morning, Shaun checked the unoccupied bedrooms (as is the wont of any B&B proprietor worth his rustic countryside location) and noticed the bedspread slightly ruffled. Puzzled, as he knew it was perfectly crisp the day previous, he straightened it out and went about his business. He reached the front desk.
The leprechaun was there.
Once more the leprechaun requested his tithe of tropical fruit and petty change, but Shaun only had a quarter of a banana left in the whole building by then, and he was saving it for his lunch. Still, he didn't want to upset the leprechaun and risk losing the valuable Sidhe customers that kept his establishment afloat between tourist seasons, so he gave it to the leprechaun.
When Shaun checked the open bedrooms the following morning, he was shocked to discover that the bedroom with the mysteriously ruffled bedspread only twenty-four hours previous was trashed. All the furniture was only vaguely identifiable as furniture, it looked like it would be much more at home in a dump. The windows were shattered, as were the mirrors, and there was neon yellow spray paint on every wall. In a state of shock, Shaun headed to the front desk to see him. Shaun exploded at the leprechaun, refusing to give him any more bananas or coins. In an angry puff of fruity smoke, the leprechaun vanished.
That evening, Shaun went to a pub, needing a few very strong drinks after the whole affair. He got them and headed back to his B&B. When he arrived, it was not there, replaced by a smoldering crater and the wreckage of his beloved Bed & Breakfast and a few charred corpses of one-time guests of his. Shaun stood there in shock for a few seconds before the leprechaun walked up and stood beside him. Shaun asked the leprechaun if he was the one who ruffled the bedspread.
"Yes," said the leprechaun.
Shaun asked if he destroyed the furniture and painted all the walls.
"Yes," answered the leprechaun.
Shaun asked if he blew up the Bed & Breakfast.
"Yes," replied the leprechaun.
Shaun asked why he always wanted a banana and a five-cent euro coin. Shaun asked why he retaliated with increasingly violent backlash when he did not receive a full banana. Shaun asked why he blew up Shaun's livelihood.
"I can tell you," answered the leprechaun, "but you must promise me first that you will never speak of it to another living soul for as long as you live."
Shaun agreed.
And what the leprechaun told Shaun, we will never know, because Shaun kept his promise and died without telling a single living soul.

In Old Town Auburn on Halloween they have "Safe Halloween" where the merchants give out candy. Robyn dressed as Cruella de Vil. She had about 300 visitors and almost ran out of candy. She almost had to retreat!
I heard that on Sunday morning Wesley went to church and was standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.
After a bit the pastor walked up, stood beside him and said quietly, "Good morning, Wesley ."
"Good morning, Pastor," he replied, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?"
The pastor replied, "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Wesley 's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, "Which service, the 8:00 or the 9:30?"

A man was driving along a rural road one day when he saw a three legged chicken running down the road. He was amused enough to drive along side it for a while, as he was driving he noticed the chicken was running 30 mph.
Pretty fast chicken, he thought, I wonder just how fast it can run. So he sped up and the chicken did too! They were now moving along the road at 45 mph!
The man in the car sped up again, to his surprise the chicken was still running ahead of him at 60 mph!!!
Suddenly the chicken turned off the road and ran down a long driveway leading to a farmhouse. The man followed the chicken to the house and saw a man in the yard with dozens of three legged chickens. The man in the car called out to the farmer "How did you get all these three legged chickens?"
The farmer replied, "I breed 'em. Ya see it's me, my wife and my son living here and we all like to eat the chicken leg. Since a chicken only has two legs, I started breeding this three legged variety so we could all eat our favorite piece."
"That's amazing!" said the driver "How do they taste?"
"Don't rightly know, I ain't caught one yet!"
Pretty fast chicken, he thought, I wonder just how fast it can run. So he sped up and the chicken did too! They were now moving along the road at 45 mph!
The man in the car sped up again, to his surprise the chicken was still running ahead of him at 60 mph!!!
Suddenly the chicken turned off the road and ran down a long driveway leading to a farmhouse. The man followed the chicken to the house and saw a man in the yard with dozens of three legged chickens. The man in the car called out to the farmer "How did you get all these three legged chickens?"
The farmer replied, "I breed 'em. Ya see it's me, my wife and my son living here and we all like to eat the chicken leg. Since a chicken only has two legs, I started breeding this three legged variety so we could all eat our favorite piece."
"That's amazing!" said the driver "How do they taste?"
"Don't rightly know, I ain't caught one yet!"
I went to check the mail yesterday when i saw a cat meowing at a door. i walked up and petted the cat then rang the doorbell for him. it didn't occur to me what i had done until i was around the corner and heard "sara, you won't BELIEVE this but the cat just rang the doorbell!"

Trying to relief my stress I stopped by to calm my nerves last night. I thought I should let Robyn know so I asked the bartender "what's the wifi password?".
Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.
Me: Okay, I'll have a coke.
Bartender: Is Pepsi okay?
Me: Sure. How much is that?
Bartender: $3.
Me: There you go. So what's the wifi password?
Bartender: "You need to buy a drink first". No spaces, all lowercase.
Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.
Me: Okay, I'll have a coke.
Bartender: Is Pepsi okay?
Me: Sure. How much is that?
Bartender: $3.
Me: There you go. So what's the wifi password?
Bartender: "You need to buy a drink first". No spaces, all lowercase.

Gabby stayed the night the other day and surprised Robyn one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. She made it himself and was so proud. She anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee.
Robyn had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.
She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?"
Gabby replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'
Robyn had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.
She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?"
Gabby replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'
Greg's favorite joke is about 2 muffins in the oven and one muffin says "It's getting hot in here". The other muffin says "Holy s#1* a talking muffin". Well, the other day Gabby's teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,"...and so the pig went up to the man with the wheel barrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
Gabby raised her hand and said, "I think he said'Holy s#1* ! A talking pig!'"
A link to the real story
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
Gabby raised her hand and said, "I think he said'Holy s#1* ! A talking pig!'"
A link to the real story

I was facetiming with Gabby the other Sunday before church and asked what she did there. She said they listened to the preacher and sang songs. She said the rest of the time they had to be very quiet. I said why so quiet? She said "Because people are sleeping.
I had to fly to Tucson to pick up a car from Lora for Mom. I was taking a Southwest flight. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom.
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 293, Sacramento to Tucson with a layover in Las Vegas. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now, please sit back and relax... AAHHHHH! ....DAMMIT!"
Everybody went quiet, waiting for terrible news.
Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight- attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
The guy sitting next to me said, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 293, Sacramento to Tucson with a layover in Las Vegas. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now, please sit back and relax... AAHHHHH! ....DAMMIT!"
Everybody went quiet, waiting for terrible news.
Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight- attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
The guy sitting next to me said, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"